The Girl Who Was Erased

WARNING: HONEST POST A COMIN' (WITH A FEW POP CULTURE UPDATES, INEVITABLY)

So, let's start with the honest part. But, to make it interesting, how about I introduce it with a young adult book/chick flick reference (2 at once! That's pretty good! Even if it is just a book that was made into a movie. That still counts as two, right?). The reference would be The Princess Diaries. Do you remember that whole part about how Mia felt invisible because everyone kept sitting on her and ignoring her and whatever. Well, ya know what? That was a lie. Because Mia wasn't invisible. She had a best friend (Lily) and an awesome guy who was secretly in love with her, since, like, forever (Michael, of course, the best male lead EVER). Mia should live a day in my life. Because I am truly invisible. To everyone. All the time. I don't have that quirky best friend or guy who secretly loves me and writes love songs about me. I have a few crappy friends (let's not even deal with the whole boyfriend issue. Or lack thereof.) I am invisible to everyone. My friends don't care about me at all. They don't care that they exclude me from everything. They don't care that they hurt my feelings. I'm not even sure they know I exist. Some days (like today, for example), it feels like you could just erase me from the scene. All three of us could be sitting together in class or eating lunch together or whatever, and someone could just come along and erase my presence and no one would even notice. No one would wonder where I was or what happened to me. They wouldn't miss me. Because I was the girl who was erased. Because I was invisible in the first place, so no one noticed when I was gone. 

And believe you me, I am aware that all of this (or, at least, most of this) is my fault. I should make new friends, join new clubs, get to know new people. I should make myself visible, unerasable, unforgettable, and heartachingly missable. If only it were that easy. If only I had the Friendship Algorithm like Sheldon. If only Stu the Cockatoo could teach me how to make friends. I really need the help. Come on, Stu the Cockatoo. I know you're new at the zoo; but surely you can help me too? (That must have been confusing to any non-Big Bang Theory fans. I'm sorry. Actually, I'm not. If you're not a BBT fan, why would I want you reading my blog? Anyone who doesn't love Sheldon is not welcome here. Just kidding...maybe...). 

So, that was my sucky day (in the broadest terms possible). It was bad, but, hey, the day is over. Let's move on. Let's talk about premiere week. First, the highlights:

1) Being Erica

A good Canadian show! Such a rare gem! And the premiere was actually good (most of the time!). I really liked the real-time parts of the premiere, where they dealt with all the stuff in Erica's real life, like her business partner (who is a total loon, but totally fun and mockable at the same time). The requisite time travel stuff was okay. I'm not that interested in the new direction the show is taking, but I'll give it a chance. I didn't really like the new Irish/British guy. I want Kai back. I mean, just watch this video. Isn't he adorable? But, even without Kai, I will admit the premiere was pretty good. I'll be back next week.

2) Bones

As I've mentioned before, this is not a show I really watch. But I tuned in to the premiere because I really like Booth and Brennan. I was only going to watch a little bit, but then it got really good! I couldn't resist. Bones is a really good show. Did you know that? I didn't know that. What a nice surprise. I mean, Booth and Brennan are awesome, as I expected. But the supporting cast is pretty cool too. I really liked Sweets and Daisy, and Hodgins and Angela. The only one I didn't like was that lady who played Michael's ex-girlfriend/Walt's mother on Lost. I hated her SOOOOO much on Lost that I just found her annoying and distracting here. But the rest of the show was pretty awesome. A new show to watch, definitely. 

3) Brothers & Sisters

I really liked Bones because my expectations were so low, since I had never really watched the show. Well, for Brothers & Sisters my expectations were equally as low (if not lower), for a different reason: I have seen the show a lot, and I know how much it sucks, a lot of the time. But the premiere was actually good! Who knew, this show could actually turn out a good episode anymore? Not me. But it was a pleasant surprise. The premiere was solid through and through. I really liked how they dealt with the accident from last season's finale. I expected them to try to forget it as soon as possible. Rob Lowe would be dead and gone, and Holly would be magically fine, and everyone would have moved on. But, no, they hadn't. Robert was on life support and Kitty had to make the decision to let him go. Holly had terrible memory loss. Justin had gone off to war, and come back safe (yay!), but had lost Rebecca in the process (NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!). Sarah had been hanging out with Luke, dealing with the whole family business thing. And Kevin, well, Kevin had been annoying. Hey non-annoying story lines is a home run on Brothers & Sisters. The episode was a home run, all around. 

Now, the low lights or bad ones or disappointments or whatever you want to call them (because there is no true opposite to highlights):

1) Glee

Ack. Just ack. This show was baaaaaaaaad. Where do I begin? There were so many bad parts. There was Rachel being incredibly annoying (and not in an endearing way, like she can sometimes be). There was a whole slew of new characters, who were fine, but, on the whole, were given too much screen time, considering we aren't invested in any of them (though that new jock guy (Chord Overstreet, maybe, I think...?) was an awesome singer. I will give him that). Brittany and Sue both had awful lines for the entire episode. The whole opening sequence was GOD AWFUL, one of the worst things I have seen on tv in a long time (Ryan Murphy, please stop using Kurt as a mouthpiece for your winey little problems!). And Finn was in the show, which sucked, as always. And Will acted totally out of character. All together a bad bad bad bad episode. I don't know how many more chances I am going to give to this show....

2) Gossip Girl

I should stop watching this show! It is so bad! But I just can't stop myself. How I wish I could. I mean, I don't care about 80% of what happens on screen. And I actively despise 35% of what happens (pretty much whenever Jenny or Serena are involved in any way). And yet, I continue to watch, for those few token moments of Chuck and Blair drama at the end of every episode. And those moments haven't even been that good this season. I would quit this show right now, if I could.

3) How I Met Your Mother

Someone has to remind me why I like this show. Because I can't seem to figure it out. Both this week's episode and last weeks episode SUCKED. BOMBED. MADE MY EYES BURN. MADE MY BRAIN WEEP FOR THE STATE OF THE WORLD. I could get into specifics as to why it was bad, but it really all boils down to one thing: it wasn't funny. Simple as that. So, the only reason I could imagine watching next week is for the whole mother mystery. And who knows if they'll even deal with it. And so who know if I am even going to bother to watch. 

So, those were the highs and the lows of premiere week. There were a lot of in betweens too. Like 30 Rock (kinda funny, kinda boring), Life, Unexpected (meh), Cougar Town (above average, would have been better without Jennifer Aniston), Modern Family (BORING), Community (almost good enough to make the highlights list). And, of course, there was Big Bang Theory. I would give the season premiere a 7/10 on the scale of Big Bang Theory greatness. So, yes, it was good episode. I enjoyed it a lot. But I didn't want to add it to my list, because you all know why I love the BBT. I don't need to explain it a second time (or, actually, a tenth time. Well, here it is, incase you missed the first million times: SHELDON). All in all, a pretty good premiere week for me. I'm pretty satisfied. And I'm looking forward to this week in tv. I am not looking forward to this week in real life, though. No one looks forward to being invisible, irrelevant, and forgotten. At least, no one I've ever met (in real life).

Off to do homework and sleep now. It's been a bad day, but things will get better. A new episode of Big Bang will be on. The world will right itself once again. 

Never Have I Ever....

...Posted two days in a row. Well, actually, that's not true. I just haven't done it in a LONG, LONG time, since I first started the blog and I was nerdy and posted everyday. What happened to that? Oh yeah, life happened. Well, now I'm too excited not to post. I'm in my hyped up after movie mood, where I want to imitate the characters every move. Like when I saw Parent Trap and wanted to pull pranks on someone's cabin and put their bed on the roof. Tonight it wasn't pranks or Lindsay Lohan (though there were a lot of her teen movie co-stars, and many parts did remind me of Mean Girls...). Tonight was the fabulous new movie Easy A, fresh from the Toronto International Film Festival (Not that is a particularly relevant fact, but I like to give a shout out to my city, whenever I can. Holla, Toronto!). Now, in my post-movie glow (similar to the post-sex glow? I wouldn't know...), I want to be all witty and cool like Emma Stone. This sugar rush will wear off eventually. But for the next little while expect more wit (or more failed attempts at wit) and a little more snark (or my lameass idea of snark). Hey, it's better than putting my parents bed on the roof. All I'm saying.

So yes, the movie was Easy A, with a whole slew of stars, both teen and non-teen. First, of course, there's Emma Stone. She was awesome. She was really funny and a terrific actor and she deserves all the praise she's been getting for this movie. Then, there was Penn Badgley (aka Dan Humphrey from Gossip Girl, as you probably know, if you are reading this blog or you have read any of my Chuck/Blair rants). He was good. Brief, but cute (as always) and sweet. He was my favourite part of John Tucker Must Die (Even though he was only in that movie for, like, 5 seconds), and I loved him in the first season of Gossip Girl. He's a good leading guy. In his company was the great Dan Byrd of A Cinderella Story and (much more recently, and much more widely seen) Cougar Town fame. And there was Lisa Kudrow, who was actually kind of incredibly awkward, but I didn't care because, well, she's Phoebe from Friends, and, therefore, she can do no wrong. Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson as the parents were pretty funny, as was their adopted son. Alyson Michalka and Amanda Bynes were fine, which is about the best they can aspire to (and the best Amanda Bynes will apparently be because this was the last movie she made before retiring from acting at the ripe old age of 24! Oh no, I forgot, she unretired, like five minutes later. Bet no one saw that coming. Oh silly Amanda Bynes, how I heart you).

I'm feeling an obligation to explain plot, but I have no desire to do that. I don't care about plot. Here--go to this link. While you're off reading that, I'll share some of my favourite lines...

1) "It's okay. Sometimes, our boyfriend's parents, they get divorced. It's not your fault" (this one may be a little hard to understand, out of context. But in context, it is HILARIOUS. Best line of the movie, easy)

2) "Judy Blume did not prepare me for this" (Gotta love me a young adult romance reference (Forever is a great book! For anyone over 13! Don't tell your parents I didn't warn you. Kat and Michael do some pretty dirty things, if you know what I mean. And, if you're under 13, you shouldn't know what I mean)

3) "Because I'm not in Gossip Girl or from Sweet Valley and I don't have a pair of Traveling Pants" (This line was double awesome, because (1) teen lit reference!!! and (2) referencing Gossip Girl when a star from the show is actually in your movie=super awesome. I love when a film can make fun of itself!)

4) "A higher power will be judging you!"

"Tom Cruise?"

(Take that you short-couch-jumping-Joey-Potter-marrying-scientologist freak!)

5) "I'm just so relieved to read an essay where the student doesn't ask things like "Is she still married to Ashton Kutcher?""

(Waaaaaaaaaay out of context, I know. But, in context, COMIC GOLD)

There's more. And more. And some more after that. But I won't ruin it for you. You'll just have to go and see it, and love it as much as I do, and then get the after-movie glow, and then write a really hyper blog most about it (the more exclamation marks, the better!!!!!!!).

Uh-oh, my darn life is intervening again. I gotta go. And you gotta go and see the movie. I'll be waiting for your blog post, you imaginary reader you!

(After-movie glow wears off in three, two, one....)

The Great Escape

Today was a fun day. I got to sleep in (I miss summer so much! Already!). I got to go and browse for an hour at my favourite bookstore (and double my reading list, as always). And then, I got to buy a book and come home to my big, comfy, warm bed, and read and read and read to my hearts content. Ahhh, bliss. A perfect day, just like that song from Legally Blonde,



I love when I get hooked on a book and can't put it down. I get to forget about my life and my problems and get completely absorbed in whatever I'm reading. It doesn't even have to be a particularly good book. It usually has to have romance (though, not always, to be fair). Nothing comes to close to giving me the same escape. Not tv. Not movies. Not music. Always books. Today my book of choice was My Big Fat Manifesto, by Susan Vaught,

(Isn't this cover so delicious?)

I enjoyed the book a lot, but I enjoyed the chance to escape more. I've had a very busy week, getting back into the swing of things at school. Lots of clubs to join, and friends to catch up with. Lot of new gossip and new homework assignments. So, it was nice to get away from all of that for a little while. Oh, and here is a review of the book, in case you're interested. And, speaking of recommendations, I have a whole bunch more for you, from my summer reading list:

1) The Extraordinary Secrets of April, May, and June by Robin Benway

I'm nor one for the supernatural or for anything to do with superpowers or anything like that. But I loved Robin Benway's debut novel Audrey, Wait!, so I had to give this one a try. And I'm glad I did. The beginning was a little bit boring. There was a lot about the sisters relationships (bonding/arguing), which alternatively left me feeling left out or annoyed, since I'm an only child and therefore couldn't relate at all. But, just when I was about to dismiss the book, the romance kicked in. And oh, is it good. Amazing. Top notch. Double awesome, actually since there are two romances, with the two older sisters, April and May. May's relationship with her tutor Henry is cute, and produced some good moments. But the real draw was April's relationship with goth/rebel Julian. Oh, how I loved Julian. So sensitive, so sweet. So very cute. If you like romance at all, you will love Julian. And you will really like this book.

2) Twenty Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler

This book was fun to read during the summer, because it is about the summer, as the title suggests. The author talks a lot about the magic of the ocean, which was fun, because I was reading it seaside and experiencing all the magic myself. And, the book was fairly good, beyond the coincidental circumstances.

This was a book I had wanted to read for awhile. I must have picked it up at the bookstore twenty times, just because I loved the cover so much. But I was really weary of the main conflict in the book--the death of a teenage boy. I generally don't like books about death. I find them to depressing. I don't like listening to the characters being all sad for sooooooo long. So, for awhile, I just admired the cover, but could never bring myself to bring it to the cash. But then, it was summer, and I had time, and you know how these things go. So, I read it, and I'm glad I read it. Yes, there was a lot of sadness. But there was a lot sweetness too. And romance, of course. You know I love me some romance (for evidence, see the above bullet point!). There are two romances in the book. The old one, that Anna, the main character, had with her best friend/friend's brother Matt, and the new one, that she has with a boy named Sam at the beach. The beach romance was pretty good, but always limited, because it had a set expiration date (the end of summer). The old romance was much better, since it was explored throughout the whole book. The actual romance is explained in the first few pages, but then expanded on as different characters find out about it. It's very sweet. Altogether, the books not GREAT, but it was VERY GOOD beach read.

3) Adios to My Old Life by Caridad Ferrer

This book was a quick read, but a fun read. It's about a girl who competes in a spanish version of American Idol (more or less). Once again, there are two romantic storylines--one with the main character, Ali, and one with her father. The whole book is very cute, and a lot of fun. I don't know what else to say. I didn't like the ending that much. It was unbelievable--but so is reality tv. All in all, good fun=good book (insert smiley face emoticon here).

4) Emma by Jane Austen

I'll admit it. This one was a challenge. I've always wanted to read a classic, to prove that I'm not a moron who just reads stupid romance and YA. So, I climbed that mountain. I got through the hard language and the slow moving plot and the annoying english society. And I came to love the main character, Emma, though I hear that most people don't like her, which I don't understand, because how could anyone dislike Cher? (and so marks the beginning of the Clueless comparisons). Mr. Knightley was good, but I liked Paul Rudd better. In all, I'm glad to have read it. I'm not a moron. I can read so-called "literary books". And, I can enjoy them. But, I don't I'll being reading another one anytime soon. They take a lot of commitment and time, and for now, I think I'll stick with romance and YA. They're much more fun. And they give much less of a headache.

5) Loathing Lola by William Kostakis

This book was a different one, because I bought it in Australia. It was all cool and Australian-like and fun to read when I was actually down under. This book is about a reality show as well (who knew I was so obsessed?), but more of a Real World and less of an American (Canadian?) Idol. I doubt anyone from North America will ever read this book, since I've never seen it on our shelves, but I will say now, I am going to spoil a little bit. Well, a big bit, if you love romance as much as I do. If you do, and you think you may this book someday, look away now. There, you've been warned. The big spoiler I wanted to share was my shock about who the main character (surprising not named Lola) ends up with. I was so, so, so sure that she was going to end up with her best guy friend, Tom. But no, she ends up with some random guy. That's a crime against romantic comedy nature. It's completely unprecedented. Everyone knows that if any character has a male best friend, they will end up together. It happened in How To Be Popular five years ago, and it's going to happen with Hellcats sometime in the coming weeks (because that blond guy has secret romance written all over him). But no. They went against the grain. Which could have been a good thing, I suppose, but it just kind of annoyed me. The minute I read the whole "boy whose a friend, not a boyfriend line", I assumed they were going to get together. So, for the whole novel, I rooted for them. Even when it seemed like she was going to end up with the other guy. And then, she did. And I hated him, because he wasn't Tom. Alas, the ending was disappointing, and the book wasn't that good as a whole. But I will remember it for going against the grain. And, if anyone's interested, here are the first fifty pages free online.

I read a few other books, like Tweak by Nic Sheff (a memoir about methamphetamines), and The Big Love by Sarah Dunn (well written romantic comedy with an interesting religion aspect to it), as well as My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor (a memoir from a science perspective about a scientist who actually has a stroke at 35 and lives to tell and analyze the tale), and My Fair Lazy by Jen Lancaster (as usual, a hilarious memoir from Mrs. Lancaster). Summer is a great time for reading, and I'm sad it's over. Now I only have the weekends to look forward to to find my escape. Then again, in the summer, there's very little you need to escape from. Just the waves and sun and all that time off. Ahh, the bliss...

Going to go blissfully (and tiredly) to sleep now. Sleep tight, all you out in cyberspace. Don't let the virtual bed bugs bite.

Back to the beginning. Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars, were all aligned...

So, school has started. It's going okay. Much better than I thought it'd be. My drama class is AMAZING. It's tiny--only 6 students--so we can just goof around and play games. We all know each other so well (this being our fourth year together) and we all just get along. My other classes are less fun. English is enjoyable, I guess. It's challenging and I love the teacher, which is nice. Biology looks like it's going to be annoying. History just looks boring (though the teacher is really nice!). It's been great seeing my friends (no problems so far!!) and get back into the swing of things. It's nice to be back in my normal routine and back into my natural environment. School is something I'm actually good at. I can handle it. I can do well. It's nice to have that confidence back. 

Okay, there, that was the honest part. Now, onto something much more exciting. What could it be? Well, I'll give you some hints. It only happens once a year. It involves the love of my life, Sheldon Cooper. It's about a week in length. Almost everyone watches part of it. Yes, that's right! It's the fall tv premiere week! WaHoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO!!!!!!!!! You can go to this link for a complete list of premieres. And here, below are the ones I'm looking forward to, in chronological order (with new season pictures!): 

Monday, Sept. 13

Gossip Girl, 9 p.m. (The CW)

The week starts with the worst/best show on tv, otherwise known as Gossip Girl. The best part is obviously the Chuck and Blair reunion (shown in this season 4 trailer). The worst part is harder to determine. I mean what's worse--Serena's wining or Georgina and Dan's baby or Jenny Humphrey's very existence? It's a tough choice. I've said before that I would stop watching this show. But I can't help myself. I've been deprived of Chuck and Blair for an entire summer (more than three months!). I need my Chair fix or I may just die. 

Tuesday, Sept. 14

Life Unexpected, 9 p.m. (The CW)

I don't love this show. But I like certain parts of it enough to give the second season a try. It's a really cute show and I really like the main character (even if she does have a stupid name) and I really like Bug (even if he has a stupid name too).  I wish this show were on monday nights after Gossip Girl like last year, so, you know, I wouldn't have to get up from my tv at any point. Alas, this is life. Apparently some physical exertion is required. 

Monday, Sept. 20

How I Met Your Mother, 8 p.m. (CBS)

IS THIS THE SEASON WE FIND OUT WHO THE MOTHER IS? Well, you never know. There have been rumours. It could happen. We could meet her and not even know it's her. We could met her three seasons from now. All I know is, someone gets married in the premiere. And Robin Sparkles comes back. All good things. I love me some Canadian teen pop music!!

Tuesday, Sept. 21

Glee, 8 p.m. (Fox)

Oh, Glee. I used to love you. Now, not so much. I mean, I still love certain characters (like Sue, obviously. And Kurt. And Brittany. And sometimes Rachel). But my true fanboy (fangirl?) days are long gone. I've just lost interest. I didn't like the second half of the first season nearly as much as the first half. And I hated the Madonna episode. I'll still watch of course. I mean, I have to see Kurt and his boyfriend. And I must watch every scene that Sue is ever in. It's not a choice. It's a legal requirement. 

Wednesday, Sept. 22

Modern Family, 9 p.m. (ABC)

Again, don't love this show. But I like it. A lot. I hate Al Bundy. But I do love Cam. And I really like Phil. So, I will watch. And sometimes I will laugh out loud. And sometimes I will just be confused. It's a mixed bag, for sure, but not a bag I'm going to miss anytime soon (oh god, that was a horrid sentence. But I'm going to keep it so it can be nominated to the horrid sentence hall of fame. Yes, that is a real thing. In my mind, at least). 

Cougar Town, 9:30 p.m. (ABC)

No, this is not a picture of Cougar Town, obviously. But it is a picture of two of the actors in the Cougar Town premiere. Which two? I'll let you guess (the one should be really easy!). But here's another hint to help: They've never been married to Monica. Hmmmmm......who could it be?

Thursday, Sept. 23

The Big Bang Theory, 8 p.m. (CBS)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is obviously going to be the best day of my life. Well, at least, the most highly anticipated. Sheldon's first date!!!!!!! What could be more exciting than that?!?!? And from the looks of this photo, there will be a lot Penny and Sheldon stuff, which I absolutely adore.  Only fourteen more days!!

Bones, 8 p.m. (Fox)

A strange one to be on this list, considering I am no fan of Bones. However, you must consider how big a fan I am of Booth and Brennan getting together. I hear there's lots of conflict involving this love connection in the premiere, especially since Booth gets a girlfriend. It should be interesting (and romantic!), to say the least. 

Community, 8 p.m. (NBC)

Community is a good show. It's very funny for a very big portion of time. And Jeff and Annie got together instead of Jeff and Brita! YAY! One problem though. As you may have noticed, this is my third show in the 8 o'clock time slot. Don't worry I have a plan to solve the scheduling conflicts (and it does not involve a DVR or TiVo or anything like that. I don't operate any large machinery). I will watch Big Bang in the actual time slot (because I can't wait one more second for Sheldon), and then watch Community online that night and then the romantic highlights of Bones online the next night. Not a very complex plan. But it took me a while to think up. Yes, I am a very slow thinker. 

30 Rock, 8:30 p.m. (NBC)

I almost definitely won't be watching this show when it actually airs. I almost never watch 30 Rock live. I always catch up on it on the weekend or whenever I have time and feel bored (which is a lot). But I will catch up on it eventually. So it's worth mentioning (Also worth mentioning: the fact that Sheldon stole the Emmy from Alec Baldwin! Bazinga!)

Sunday, Sept. 26

Brothers & Sisters, 10 p.m. (ABC)

Last but not least, Brothers & Sisters. I don't plan on watching the whole season because (SPOILER ALERT) Rebecca is leaving the show. And, the show sucks. But I love Justin and Rebecca enough to stick around to see why they break up. I'm a loyal fan, 'til the end. 

Oh, how I love this time of year. My shows are back, at the beginning of a fresh season with 24 episodes  to look forward to. The leaves are beginning to change colour. I get to go to drama class! I am very happy about all these things. Life is good, for right now. Honestly. 

I'm nervous. There's no witty or referency or sarcastic way to skirt around it. I'm nervous. I have to go back to school tomorrow and I'm nervous. I mean, I wish I could look like this:

But instead, I look like this: 

 (Just without the red hair. Oh, I wish...)

I am totally stressed. Nervous. Sick to my stomach. Too scared to face it all. Dreading tomorrow morning. All of those good things. 

I rarely lay it all out on my blog. I cover up my vulnerability with not-so-witty punch lines and pop culture obsessions. But today, I lay it bear. I am scared. Terrified. It's not the work or the teachers or the tests. It is, as it always has been, the Friends Issue (which, sadly, has nothing to do with the tv show and everything to do with my lack of social skills). I have always had a hard time with friends. I was that weird kid in elementary school who walked around the schoolyard over and over again to try and mask the fact that I had no one to play with. Now, ten years later, I am still that person, walking up and down the halls, trying to look busy, when I'm really just trying to kill time before the next class. I mean, it's not like that everyday. And it's not like I have no friends. I've had good friends and great friends and best friends. And I've lost them all. Now, I have a few friends, and a group of friends. That's okay. But it's not great. And I'm not ready to face it. I just want to curl up in bed and die. Or watch Big Bang Theory. (once again, I can't resist a pop culture punch line. The whole paragraph is so pathetic. I needed something fluffy to distract myself). 

For a while there, I operated on the idea that this blog was going to be a certain type of blog. It was going to be about tv shows and young adult books and whatever else was happening in popular culture at the time. And largely, it is that exactly. My last post was about a character from Big Bang Theory (you know I've got to say it--SHELDON COOPER IS THE BEST CHARACTER OF ALL TIME. There, out of my system). The post before that was about the Emmys. I don't remember the post before that (way back in June), but I'm sure it was peppered with pop culture references. For a while, that is all I wanted my blog to be. But I think I'm going to change that. I'm going to be honest. I'm not going to hold back. I have no idea who's going to want to read my true, honest thoughts, but it's not like anyone reads this blog anyways. So, I have nothing to lose. 

I should adopt that same attitude about going back to school. I have nothing to lose. This can't get much worse. I may as well be honest. Be myself. Say what I think. I have nothing to lose, so I might as well lose it all. 

Step one in this new found honest blog is to write about what is making me nervous. Or, more exactly, who. It's a whole cast of characters. I better introduce you to them now, since, if the honesty continues, they'll probably be popping up a lot in the near future. Of course, I'll use pseudonyms, and I won't reveal anything personal about them or post in pictures of them. That's not my right. Instead, I'll just describe how they make me feel, how they impact me, and what they represent to me. So, first up (using a fake google image search picture), is Sandra:

I have known Sandra for a lot of years. And for a while there, we were the best of friends. We did everything together. We were always project partners, always sat next to each other in class. And then, almost overnight, she forgot about all that. She forgot about me. I don't know when exactly, and I don't really know why. But she didn't need me anymore and she didn't want me anymore. In movies, girls like this just disappear from your life. Sadly, my class only has thirty students. No one disappears. And you can't forget anyone. So, for the last few years, I've had to play pretend. I've had to pretend that it doesn't hurt me that I'm in invisible to her now. I have to pretend that I've forgotten what good friends we were and what fun we had. I've had to pretend that I'm fine with this transition from best friend to casual friend. It was nice to have a summer off from pretending. I don't want to go back. 

And, after that sob fest, there's my next friend, Destiny, 

Destiny is a great person. A great friend. Such a fun person to talk to. Such a great person to be with. I don't know how I'd survive school without her. But, I know she'd survive school without me. I know she doesn't need me like I need her. She is my best friend, plain and simple. But I'm not hers. She has friends from her old school. She has Sandra. She doesn't need me. And I know it. So, I can't call her my best friend. And I can't stop talking to Sandra. Because then I'd lose Destiny. And I'm not willing to do that. I would die at school without Destiny. So, instead, I must live with Sandra and Destiny and all that crap. I must live with it and pretend with it and be nervous about it. Every day. 

There are other people. I have other friends. But they're casual friends. I'm not so nervous about them. They're nice to talk to. And some of them are really great, smart, funny, fun people. I'll get around to introducing them eventually. If and when they're relevant. 

So, now you've met the cast (the stars, at least). And you've heard about the changes. Don't get me wrong. There'll still be lots of pop culture to come. Lots of Big Bang loving. And lots of Gossip Girl rants. I'm sure my next post will be about all the season premieres. And I'm sure the post after that will be about the new Shopaholic book. But here and there I might mention my personal life. Because even though I do love me some pop culture, I spend more time thinking about my friend problems. And I want this blog to reflect me, as I am now. I want this blog to be honest and relatable and interesting. I can't make myself more interesting. And I can only strive for relatable. But I can always be honest. 

So, there it is, all layed out for the world to see. All the wounds. All the vulnerability. There's nothing to lose and everything to gain. God, I sound as cheesy as Dawson's Creek. 

I Love You, Sheldon Cooper

It's time to confess. I have a problem. An addiction problem.

No, not that kind of addiction. A more general addiction. An addictive personality. Once I decide I like something, I have to have it, now, again and again, until it's over or I get sick of it. This is why I know I could never have one cigarette or one drink. I am prone to addiction. No need to feed that with addictive things.

It's a real problem. Once I become addicted to something, I can't stop thinking about it until I get it (I really sound like a drug addict, don't I?). It can be anything. Food, for example. I am the pickest eater in the world, so once I find a food I like I eat it every day for a month. Yogurt. Fish. Caesar salad. I also get addicted to songs--once I find a song I like, I listen it ten times a day for a week, and then can't stand to hear it again. Once I get hooked on a book, I have to get to the end before I can do anything else.

And it isn't just short term things either. I am, clearly, addicted to the internet. I have to check my websites ("my" meaning the websites I like (which, I know, sounds kind of creepy), such as gmail and msn and blogger), or I go crazy. I can't do homework or read or function as a normal human being until I've checked those sites. The worse, though, is tv series. Once I get started, I just can't stop. And, sometimes, there are like, ten seasons. At forty minutes a show and twenty-four shows a season, that's no small amount of time. And even when I've had enough and want to quit, I can't. Even when I have mountains and mountains of homework, I still can't stop watching. It's the classic addict's excuse: just one more, and I'll be done. Yeah, sure, that'll happen.

All of this a preface to introduce my new addiction. Actually, by this point, it is a pretty old addiction. Going on six months. Half a year of obsession. This is the point I would normally start getting concerned for my sanity, if I didn't love it (him) so much. And no, it is not a boy at school. It is a thirty-year-old physicist with no social skills. It is Dr. Sheldon Cooper:

You may remember me mentioning a time or two (or ten) on this blog. I started liking him in April, when I first started watching Big Bang online. And I started to love him when I saw a few interviews with Jim Parsons on Youtube. And I truly fell for him when I saw the third season finale. Sheldon + girlfriend= comic gold. Obviously.

I suppose this addiction has developed into something of a celebrity crush. I mean, all the signs are there. I have posters of him on my wall (well, actually, I have a Big Bang Theory poster on my wall, only because I couldn't find one of just him, and yes, I did cut the rest of the cast out of the picture. They were distracting me from Sheldon). I talk about him constantly with my friends (and, actually, my one friend has just started watching the show, and loves him just as much as I do, so BAZINGA!). And, of course, I watch millions of Sheldon videos/Jim Parsons interviews on Youtube. I am this close to ordering this t-shirt, but I think people might make fun of me:

(And those people would be mean and stupid, and totally ignorant of the pure genius that is Sheldon Cooper)

I think I actually hit my breaking point today. I was reading the newspaper (in between viewings of The Big Bang Theory), when I saw a picture of Jim Parsons in the paper. My first instinct was to cut it out. Why? I don't know. I have nowhere to put it. But it was a picture of Sheldon. Therefore, I must have it. Yes, my thought process is that complex. I know. Sheldon would be ashamed. I'm stupider than Penny. Oh, the horror.

So, now I'm stuck, counting down the days to the Big Bang premiere (which is Thursday, September 23rd, at 8:00, in case you were wondering). And I'm planning a trip to the CBS store next time I go to New York City, so I can get all the Sheldon gear sold in the universe. I'm even contemplating changing my desktop background to Sheldon's picture, but I think that may cross the line from excited fan to creepy stalker girl. But I can't help myself. I have an addictive personality. And Sheldon is my current addiction. Forget cigarettes. Forget booze. Forget sex. Forget drugs. Give me some Sheldon Cooper.

I think I may have to check myself into some kind of program, where I have to give up Youtube and watch lots of Mad Men/Breaking Bad/Good Wife (or whatever boring ass drama is currently popular) to get Sheldon out of my system. I'll have to go through a twelve step program. Cut Sheldon out of my life. Make amends with the people I've hurt with my addiction. Accept God's help and love to guide me to the other side. Or, I could just watch this video:

Or, I could just watch this one, with Jim:

(And yes, I know I am the creepy stalker girl when I just call him Jim)

And then, one video will lead to another, which will lead to another episode, which will lead to another season, and soon, all I can think about is Sheldon Cooper, while wearing my Sheldon shirt and staring at my Sheldon poster while talking to my friend about Sheldon.

Just a little slice of life with an addictive personality.

So, see you soon. Off to watch this video. And this one. And then this one. And maybe even this one. And then this one and that one....

See you in a few years actually.

Oh, and just one more thing:

BAZINGA!