Friday, September 2, 2011

I'm Ready

I'm ready to go. But I'm not ready to leave.

There are so many things I'm going to miss--my cat, my bed, my room, my house, my street, my city.

But those things will all be here when I get back. The people, though, they'll be gone. Or, we'll be gone. Either they'll change or I'll change or our relationship will change. Sure, we'll see each other and write each other and talk to each other. But we'll probably never be as close as we are at this moment. We probably won't live in the same city ever again. Our lives will never be as connected as they are now. We'll never know each other in the same way.

I love these people and as ready and eager as I am to leave and move forward and LIVE, I am not ready to leave them. I can't stand the thought of losing them. How can I LIVE without the people who make up my life?

First, there's my class, as a whole, all seventeen of us, together. A, who is outrageous and so, so funny. S, who is so insanely smart. Everyone. Playing flip cup together. Surviving exams together. Going to Cuba together. I love this group and I hope they all go on to do great things.

Then I have M. She's very smart. Smarter than me in many subjects. Very determined. She works very hard. And she's also incredibly clever and insanely funny. She's unique. She stands up for herself. She's just her, no apologies.

Then there's T. An individual, if there ever was one. She has passion. Creativity. Focus. Her interests range from comic books to quilting, dancing to friendship bracelets. She's always interesting to talk to.

As always, there's S. I've loved her, I've hated her, I've needed her, I've avoided her. But she's always been there. Through it all. I find our friendship interesting. She's known me longer than any of my other friends. She's known me at times and in ways that no one else has. She is fun. She is really good at math and chemistry. She's great to talk to.

Then there's F. My best friend. One of the best people I know.

We met in ninth grade. Became friends in tenth grade spanish. She spoke it better; I studied harder. She finished the semester 2% higher than me. I finished the semester with the friend I had always been looking for, the friend I had been missing for so long.

F is smart. She is insightful. She's hilarious. She's confident. She's so incredibly nice and kind.

She loves Harry Potter (Fred and George are her favourites). She hates nothing, not even badly written books, boring movies, or bad people. She sees the best in everything. She loves to memorize trivia. She knows everything about Greek mythology, Narnia, and the Lord of the Rings. She loves Johnny Depp for some ungodly reason. She loves to play the Kevin Bacon game with me.

F is special. Special to me. I feel comfortable with her. Like I can almost fully be myself around her, uncensored. I can tell her when I'm feeling too anxious or awkward about something. I can tell her if I don't like her food or her dog or her art. I can just be. I think she may be the only friend I've ever had like that.

And finally I have my dad. My best everything.

He loves basically every sport--hockey, basketball, volleyball, tennis, ultimate frisbee. He's a really great runner. He loves to watch sports too, especially when Tiger Woods is playing. He reads a lot of non-fiction. He wants to do a triathlon. He wants to travel around the world. He likes Coke, Vanilla Coke, Cherry Coke, and his dog Maddie.

He is very smart. He is funny. He is a hard worker. He has a bad temper. He is so helpful. He has a hard time apologizing to people. He is always so awesome to spend time with.

These are the people who make up my world, as it is now. I have one day left with them, and then I have to leave, even if I'm ready or not. That's sad. That's scary.

But you know what's exciting? That I'm ready to go and find new people to make up a new world. That I'm ready to LIVE.

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