Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I am going crazy!

Here's just a little snippet of my thoughts the morning before an IB biology exam:

"I can't do this. There's so much I don't know. I should have studied more. But how? When? Oh god, I can't do this. I don't want to do this. Come on, you can do it. I believe in you. Come on, it's almost over. And who cares if you do badly? It's almost over. No one cares about IB marks anyways. But it's all you've worked for for four years! It matters, even if everyone says it doesn't. SO I have to do well. I can't screw up. But I'm going to. There's just so much. And the questions are so hard. I'm going to kill myself. I hate this. Why won't this end. What should I look over? Where do I begin? There's just so much. I'm going to fail anyway. Please, someone, help me. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this."
This has been my life for the last month. I just wanted to capture that, so if I'm ever looking back, thinking exams were easy, I'll know the truth. Exams were hard. Very hard. So much work. I miss my life. I miss me.

So, yeah, count yourself lucky. And think of me this afternoon between twelve and three.

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