10 Things I Want to Say to You

I read this on Steph Bowe's blog, who read it on someone else's blog. You know how these things work. A friend of a friend of mine... Hopefully you'll read this and make a list of your own.

Anyways, here are 10 things I'd say to different people in my life, if I was allowed. If I didn't have to be afraid of hurting their feelings, or saying the right thing, or scaring them, or embarrassing myself. If I could say anything I wanted, here's what I'd say to you:

1) You are such a nice person and you have done so much for me. I owe so much to you, but sometimes, it feels like you don't owe me anything, like you don't need me at all. I wish you wouldn't make me feel that way. Do you really want to be my friend?

2) Please, just relax. Let it come to you. We're never going to be best friends. Stop trying so hard, forcing your way in. We need some space. I need some space. Please.

3) You are so arrogant, and I cannot stand it. The worst part is, you have nothing to back it up! You are not that smart! And I hate your writing! It's just plain awful! I wish you would stop showing off in such transparent ways. You are not that smart, just mean and arrogant, and I really hate you for it.

4) I miss you. I miss who you used to be. I think about you everyday, and I wish we could still be friends. I'll always remember you, and love you for who you were. I hope you can be that person again some day. I'll always be proud of you, looking out for you. I hope you get all you've been working for.

5) I am in the IB program! So stop insulting it to my face! Stop insulting my friends, and stop insulting my classmates! I've been the program for 4 years--I obviously see some use to it. When you say all that stuff, I get insulted! It's a personal attack, can't you see that? Stop badmouthing us! It is mean and unprofessional.

6) Thank you. I know we've had some issues, but I'm glad to be able to talk to you everyday. You been such a large part of my high school experience, and such a large part of my life. I've hated you and had so much fun with you and laughed with you and talked about everything with you. I'm glad to have you in my life.

7) I love you and I don't know how I'll ever live without you. I can't think about losing you. You mean the whole world to me.

8) What's wrong with me?

9) What am I doing wrong? Why don't I get to be special? Why don't I get a bing? I am just as good as everyone else! Why won't you notice me?

10) You are a mean person. Shut up. You are cruel, and hurtful, and I hate you. Yes, you made me cry. Many times. Congratulations. You were the biggest jerk then, and you're the biggest jerk now, bringing it up every single time I talk to you. You are such an awful person and I feel bad for anyone who has to live with you or know you. Most of all, I feel bad for you. You're going to have a lonely life, if you don't learn some common decency.

Some Quick Thoughts

I have to go to sleep in, basically, negative 15 minutes, but some quick (belated) thoughts on the Golden Globes, Greek, and whatever other g words I think of.

Golden Globes:

-I am so, so glad (and, can I say, proud) that Jim Parsons won. He speech was sweet. And Kaley Cuoco was even sweeter. "And the winner is...JIM PARSONS!!!". She was so excited! And she was so cute when she hugged him. And I loved how he started his acceptance--"if you couldn't tell, Kaley's on the show with me". Awwww. 

-I am also very happy that Chris Colfer won. I wouldn't have minded a Eric Stonestreet win in that category, but I am much happier with Chris. He is just so adorable! He looked so shocked! And I love how Lea Michele cried! Her tears make a have been fake for everyone else, and she may have been crying the whole time, but I will continue to believe she really cried for Chris. Because he really deserved it. Because he is the best part of Glee. Because his acceptance speech was the cutest thing of all time. I love Chris Colfer. 

-On the Glee note, I'm fine with the Jane Lynch win, even if her character has gone downhill. I am less fine with the Glee best comedy win, since that show has ABSOLUTELY SUCKED for the last year. I LOVEEEEED the first 6 or 7 episodes, but I've pretty much hated every episode since. It's so inconsistent. The character development sucks. The stunt casting and the theme episodes are absolutely awful. I don't know why I continue to watch.

-I was (obviously) happy with the Social Network best drama win, though I would have enjoyed upsets by Jesse Eisenberg and Andrew Garfield (who made up for it with his adorable stuttering. I love him even more now). And David Fincher won. And Aaron Sorkin won! He deserves it so much, so I was very happy. That man is a true genius. 

-I still don't know what to think of Ricky Gervais. I thought his opening was a little too cruel--I felt bad for Angelina. And the Charlie Sheen joke was pathetic. Overall, though, he was more entertaining than most hosts. I liked him, I think. Maybe. 

Greek, "Cross Examined Life":

-Ashleigh's back! I love Ash! Though I think she should have stayed in New York. I don't really know what she's going to do at Cyprus Rhodes. But whatever, she's fun to have around.

-Rusty was stupid with Dale. And the spidey pledge is Ned from Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide which is weird. In a good way. 

-I love how Cappie is trying for Casey. Casey was stupid for getting mad at him. I can't wait until they (inevitably) get back together. Hopefully at the mid season finale, so we can spend the rest of the season/series just enjoying them being cute and in love. 

-Katherine's back! That's gonna be weird....

What other g's do I have? Well, how about this:

-Good return dates: Make It or Break It is coming back at the end of march! Better late than never!

-God, there's no tv on this week: Besides Greek, I've had absolutely no TV to watch to this. I was desperate I watched The Bachelor!

-Getting sick of waiting: I got my first university acceptance, but I don't want to go there, so it doesn't really matter. Meanwhile, I still haven't heard from my number one school and I am getting SOOOOO antsy. I want to get in so badly. Fingers tightly crossed. For a really long time. 

Uh oh, it's t minus thirty-four minutes (if that makes sense, which I'm sure it doesn't, considering I don't know what t is). Got to go. Sleep time. 

Predicting the Golden Globes ('Cause, well, why the hell not?)

Yes, yes, yes, the Globes are absolutely meaningless, less than nothing, and would be completely ignored by the world if not for their proximity to the Oscars. I know already. But hey, it's friday night after a long, long, long week of studying for a test I FAILED FAILED FAILED, so, ya know, why the hell not play the prediction game?

Mystery. Intrigue. Tarot Cards. OOOHH.

There are SO many categories at the Golden Globes, between TV and movies, many of which I don't care about. So I'm just going to highlight the ones I like. Here's the full list, in case you actually give a crap about the Globes (sorry for being so crass today. Like I said, long week). I never see nearly enough movies to be a proper judge, but that's never stopped me before :). Get ready for random judgements, mostly on the actor and not their acting ability, and a lot of love for The Social Network (read my review here).

Best Motion Picture (Drama)

And the nominees are...

Black Swan

The Fighter

Inception

The King's Speech

The Social Network

My pick: The Social Network

My (attempt at an) explanation: This movie is brilliant. The writing is brilliant, and the acting is amazing. It takes a story in which all the characters could easily be seen as villains, but instead become sort of heroes. It treats each character justly. It is a clever film, a funny film, and a really fascinating film, all at the same time.

Best Actor in A Motion Picture Drama

Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network

Colin Firth, The King's Speech

James Franco, 127 Hours

Ryan Gosling, Blue Valentine

Mark Walberg, The Fighter

My pick: Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network

My (mildly legitimate) explanation: Because he makes Mark Zuckerberg seem like a funny, brilliant, weird guy, instead of the evil villain he could have come off as. He was just so whip fast, so amusing, just fun to watch. So intense. He made me love and hate Zuckerberg at the same time. Perfect for the role.

Others: Also would enjoy if Ryan Gosling won, because I will always have a loyalty to The Notebook. Also, James Franco, because, well, he is a cool guy.

Best Motion Picture (Comedy or Musical)

Alice in Wonderland

Burlesque

The Kids Are Alright

Red

The Tourist

My pick: The Kids Are Alright

My (mediocre) explanation: Because I really like Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo (13 Going on 30!). Because it was an interesting, fresh movie. Not the best EVER, but certainly the best in this category.

Best Performance by An Actress in A Motion Picture (Comedy or Musical)

Annette Bening, The Kids Are Alright

Anne Hathaway, Love and Other Drugs

Angeline Jolie, The Tourist

Julianne Moore, The Kids Are Alright

Emma Stone, Easy A

My pick: Emma Stone, Easy A

My (awesome) explanation: Because she rocks! And Easy A is totally awesome, easily better than 4 of the 5 nominees for Best Comedy/Musical. It is funny and clever and just amazing. Emma Stones makes the movie. This movie deserves some love somewhere, and I suppose this will be the place.

Others: Julianne Moore (and, I must admit, Annette Bening, if I forgive for American Beauty) deserves it. And I'll have some Princess Diaries loyalty for Anne Hathaway.

Screw best supporting actress in a drama, let's move on...

Best Performance by An Actor in A Supporting Role in A Motion Picture

Christian Bale, The Fighter

Michael Douglas, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Andrew Garfield, The Social Network

Jeremy Renner, The Town

Geoffrey Rush, The King's Speech

My pick: Andrew Garfield, The Social Network

My (he he) explanation:

(And yes, I will leave them full size, so you can enjoy him in full glory)

To not be totally superficial and airhead-y, I should mention that, in addition to his obvious attributes, he is also really really funny (I've said it before, and I'll say it again, "FISH EAT OTHER FISH"), and he acts really really well. JT wasn't nominated. Armie Hammer wasn't nominated. For a reason.

(not his best scene, but he introduces with his adorable accent, so I couldn't resist!)

Best Screenplay, Motion Picture

Simon Beaufoy, Danny Boyle, 127 Hours

Christopher Nolan, Inception

Stuart Blumberg, Leslie Cholodenko, The Kids Are Alright

David Seidler, The King's Speech

Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network

My pick: Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network

My (well, duh) explanation: Two words: WEST FREAKING WING. And if that doesn't satisfy you, I will also tell you that his script absofreakinlutely AH-MAZE-ING. Funny. Clever. Brilliant. Bravo, bravo, bravo, Mr. Sorkin.

Other: No one else in this race, as far as I'm concerned

Best Television Series (Comedy or Musical)

30 Rock

The Big Bang Theory

The Big C

Glee

Modern Family

Nurse Jackie

My pick: The Big Bang Theory

My (obvious) explanation: I don't think BBT is perfect, by any means, and this season has been very hit and miss (Amy Farrah Fowler get out of my face!). But it is still the show I look forward to the most every week. It makes me laugh the most. And, you know, there's Jim Parsons. And he's supported by the great work of Johnny Galecki and Kaley Cuoco. A good, and sometimes great, show that deserves some recognition.

(can't embed BBT--link)

Others: I wouldn't die if Modern Family won, but that's just predictable and boring. If Glee wins, I would kill myself.

Best Performance by an Actress in A Television Series (Comedy or Musical)

Toni Collette, United States of Tara

Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie

Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Laura Linney, The Big C

Lea Michele, Glee

My pick: Tina Fey, 30 Rock

My (fine) explanation: A very weak category, in my opinion. And Tina Fey rocks. First, I'll always love her for giving the world Mean Girls, one of the best teen movies of all time. And I really like her as Liz on 30 Rock. She deserves the win:

Best Performance by an Actor in A Television Series (Comedy or Musical)

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Steve Carell, The Office

Thomas Jane, Hung

Matthew Morrison, Glee

Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

My pick: Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

My (beyond, beyond obvious) explanation: You all know I love him, and I could spend this whole time just typing explanation marks. But I want to try and actually articulate why I love him so much, and why I think he should win. He plays a character who could so easily be unlikable and annoying, but, in his capable hands, he is hilarious. He plays every beat of Sheldon perfectly--arrogant, vulnerable, immature, geeky, innocent. He is a great physical actor, taking what must be simple stage directions in the script--"Sheldon comforts Penny" or "Sheldon's face twitches"--and makes them magic. He is so talented, and I will be very upset if he doesn't win. Expect a rant on monday.

(Ugh, BBT, still not embedding. Here's another link though!)

Others: Anyone else wins, I'm boycotting the Golden Globes FOREVER

On that note, I should go. Fingers crossed for all my picks. And fingers crossed I did better on my biology test than I thought.

Things I Feel Insecure About

This is (supposedly) a teenage blog. Yet, I don't write a lot about being a teenager. Well, here it is, the ultimate teenage list: Things I feel insecure about. Enjoy!!

1) The fact that I don't have a job

Most teenagers hold some kind of job. Most of the teenagers I know have jobs. Abercrombie. The ROM. Coaching soccer. Instructing swimming. MacDonald's. Nothing huge, but still. I always feel guilty that I don't hold one. They are good experiences. They look good on college applications and resumes. They prepare you for your future career. They allow to figure what you want that future career to be.

I always justify my unemployment with the fact that I'm in a very aggressive academic program. While that may be true, it doesn't account for the people in my class, who have the exact same workload and exact same amount of stress, who still manage to work. I should work. I don't hate getting money. I should save up for university. Ahahahahaha.

2) My eyebrows

They are my father's eyebrows, and I hate them. They are bushy and weird and make me fear a unibrow. Ack.

3) Well, of course, the rest of my body

I don't wear swim suits. I don't wear shorts. I don't even wear capri pants. I hate my legs. And my arms. And my feet. And everything. I hate summer, because I am expected to show all these things to the world. I try to avoid this if at all possible.

4) My selfishness

I don't do enough to help my parents. I don't do enough to help my friends. I don't do enough to help all the people in world who desperately need help as they experience earthquakes and floods and AIDS and basic poverty. I hate how selfish and self-involved I am. I need to help! Someone! Now!

5) My intelligence

In my program at school, academics are really, really, really important. And the kids in my class are all very, very, very smart. They can write better essays than I can. They can give better presentations than I can. And they can do it with less time and less effort than I do! It's very frustrating. I feel so stupid all the time. And I'm not that stupid. I get good marks. As good as any of the braniacs in my class. But I go a little crazy doubting it all. Any good mark I get is a fluke, an easy assignment, or something that I had to put way more effort into than everyone else. Any bad mark is expected, deserved, and means that I am stupid. It's a harsh way to judge yourself.

6) My friends

I have friends. I have good, good friends. I have okay friends. I have casual friends. But still, I am always doubting myself. Doubting everything I say, to everyone. Doubting if everyone, or anyone likes me. Doubt, doubt, doubt. It eats me alive.

7) My (lack) of a boyfriend

Self explanatory. I would like to be looked at as something other than "the smart girl" (see number 5) or "the nice girl". I love romance in books and tv shows. I am practically obsessed with it. Yet, I've never experienced it myself. 17, almost 18: never had sex, never made out with someone, never been on a date, never even been kissed. PATHETIC!

All the things on this list, all the things that make me feel insecure in life, come about because I don't feel like I fit in. I don't feel normal. I feel insecure about not being normal. Wow. I am the first teenager to feel that. Ever.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Worshipping at the Temple of Sarah Dessen

I have been reading Young Adult Romance since somewhere around the fourth grade, when I ordered the Princess Diaries off the Scholastic Book order, when the movie was still in theatres. After that, I slowly winded my way through the rest of the Meg Cabot's and the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series and Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic books and everything along that path.

In the eighth grade I discovered Sarah Dessen, by the proxy of a friend who has long forgotten me and a class I have long forgotten the name of. It was during a silent reading period. I have no idea what I was reading that day, but it was the book that my friend Allie was reading that has impacted my life for years to come. That book was Dreamland by Sarah Dessen.

Our teacher instructed us to go around the class, each sharing the book we were reading. My friend shared her book adding that she "really liked it". Those three words changed my reading and writing forever. I went to the bookstore that weekend and perused the Dessen books, purchasing two: The Truth About Forever and This Lullaby. I remember looking at Keeping the Moon and thinking it looked stupid, with the sunglasses on the cover. Silly me.

Ever since I have been an avid Dessen fan. I read the rest of her collection, though those first two will always be my favourites. I started reading her blog every day since I don't know how long. Since before she had her daughter. A little after Just Listen I guess. And I've eagerly anticipated her new books. I can't wait for What Happened to Goodbye this May. I am a Sarah Dessen fan through and through.

As I've been on my blog quest this last few weeks I've come to notice that, in the blogosphere Sarah Dessen is kind of like a god. Every blogger writes glowing reviews of all her books. They reference her all the time too, saying things like "this Elizabeth Scott book is written in a very Dessen-esque style". Being "Dessen-esque" is a very good thing. The golden standard of book blogs. The best of the best of the best. It's not just me. Everyone, and I really do mean EVERY SINGLE PERSON loves her.

I find this kind of funny. First, because I found out about her from such a random source, so many years ago. Unlike a lot of the books I read, I didn't find about Sarah from an author blog or a book blog or Amazon Recommends or any of my usual channels. I almost stumbled upon her and she turned out to be a mega star. Who knew?

I also find it amusing because, even though I stumbled upon her, I have always held her as one of my golden, guaranteed-to-read authors, among the ranks of Meg Cabot, Deb Caletti, Emily Giffin, Ann Brashares, and a few select others. The top one or two of that list (I go back and forth--Cabot/Dessen, Cabot/Dessen. How does a girl choose?). Apparently I am not the only one who has done this. Apparently she really is as great as I've always thought. Again, I ask, who knew?

Finally, I find it funny since, though much of the blogosphere has seem to forgotten this, not every Dessen book is pure gold. That Summer is really not that good. Lock and Key is above average, not great. Someone Like You has a lot of heart, but is not quite at the same level as many of her others. Yet SD is still worshipped like a holy god, never one to be doubted or even put on par with.

This post feels like it should have a definitive point, some type of big reveal. It doesn't. I'm sorry. There is no real purpose to this other to say that it's funny how life works out. I just wanted to mention how this seemingly sudden Dessen mania has set it. I wander what Sarah Dessen thinks of it. I wonder what you think of it. Here are some pertinent blog posts so you can judge for yourself: The Sarah Dessen Diarist, Along for the Ride Review, a Dessen-esque book.

One final question for you then: Do you worship at the Temple of Sarah Dessen? Why or why not?

The Big Blog Theory

You may have noticed that this blog has undergone a BIG change in the last week and a half, mostly in the form of a BRAND NEW BACKGROUND and an AWESOME NEW LAYOUT. This has been part of my effort to improve my blog and make a big push for followers. I'm heading into exams soon, but after that I plan on making the big push by posting everyday.

My goal is to get about 100 followers. A small, tight knit community, that'll leave lots of comments and do contests and giveways with me and generally have fun. While I wouldn't mind having, say, 1000 followers, I know I have neither the time (IB takes over my life!) nor the commitment to achieve such a following. Besides the BIG PUSH that will start next month, I'm also going to try and participate more in the blogosphere. I don't know what form that will take--participating in challenges/memes, like In My Mailbox, or increased commenting (or well, any commenting) on other blogs or something else.

I have decided on my first foray into the online blog community. I have submitted myself to the Books & Chocolate Swap, hosted by One Book Shy of A Full Shelf. Here is the pretty button:

I don't know what I'm going to give or what I'm going to get. The most I hope for is a few more page views. Fingers crossed. 

I have lots more to say about what I call "blog theory", about how often to post, writing negative reviews, having a central blog theme/subject, and many other fun topics that bloggers love to talk about, since we spend so long thinking about it. But I'm going to save all that for my one year first, on my first blogaversy (I am lead to believe that is the generally accepted term. Correct me if I'm wrong), which is coming up in february. Don't worry, I don't expect gifts--just lots of page views. 

That's it. Short blog update :)

Amy and Roger's EPIC Detour

Seeing as I am only three short weeks away from exams, this weekend was supposed to be all about getting homework done. I had a university letter to write, a gigantic test to study for, a pamphlet to design, and a paper to write.Instead, this weekend was about reading, reading, and more reading, which totally screwed me for school, but totally made me happy at the same time. Funny how that works.

The second book in my pile was Anna and Roger's Epic Detour by Morgan Matson. It has a pretty cover. Here, look:

I'm not good at summaries, but I craft a quick one:

Amy's dad died, tearing her family apart. Now her brother is in rehab, and her mother is making them move across the country, from California to Connecticut. It is Amy's job to drive the car across the country, with a nice family friend, who also happens to be a really hot boy, named Roger, who just broke up with his girlfriend, Hadley. Amy's mother planned out the whole route, but they decide to ignore it, taking an EPIC DETOUR instead. High jinks ensue. Romance happens. Lots of sappy moments. Wooo!

It was not my favourite book. Roger and Amy just didn't have it for me. But let me break it down. Let's start with Amy.

She is an actress, which was nice, since she made a million theatre references, which I loved (I laughed so hard at the "There are more awkward silences than in an Harold Pinter play" line. Who in the world would get that reference?). She was nice, and pretty, and, well, pretty generic. I liked how she was referring to "Amy!", but it got old fast. She seemed average, and actually kind of annoying. It's hard to pinpoint something in particular. She just felt kind of blah. 

Roger (which, by the way, is a crap name, since it only made me think of abusive Roger from Sarah Dessen's Dreamland and abusive Roger from Where the Heart Is. Not good associations) was bland as well. I liked his taste in music, even if I didn't recognize many of the songs. But I thought the whole ex girlfriend thing was a little pathetic, in comparison to Amy's guilt over her father's death. Get over it man.  The whole "goodbye" thing was a fun quirk (Roger can't say goodbye to people because he thinks he'll kill them), but there's wasn't much else that made him unique. 

Since neither Roger nor Amy were well drawn characters, it makes sense that the romance wasn't very good either. There just wasn't any sexual chemistry

After we finally (inevitably) got over the whole ex-girlfriend thing, I still wasn't invested in this couple. In fact, for 70% of the novel I wasn't even sure I wanted them together, or even I was supposed to want them together, save for a few places where random characters would ask if they were together and they would awkwardly respond NO. I liked the actual moment, but I had no real investment beyond that. Blah. Blah. Blah. 

The whole "scrapbook" element to novel was cool, mostly. I really liked the pictures and playlists and little notes, and, for the most part, they were well placed. There were a few that were annoying, placed in the middle of sentences, so I would forget what was just said and then have to skip back and then forward, and lose all flow or meaning. In that way, I would have preferred if the placement had been more thoughtful. 

I also had an issue with the drama of it all. I'm not really into "issue books", which deal with dark subjects that allow the protagonist to be angsty, in this case, death (others: anorexia, drugs, self mutilation, suicide, mental health issues, some sort of injury)

I thought I'd be okay with it in this book, much like I could accept in Twenty Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler, where death was handled well enough, and the other parts of the plot were engaging enough that it didn't matter. That was not the case. Amy was very, very angsty, which, in my opinion, didn't really fit in with the romance and general lightness of the novel. 

I rarely say this, but it definitely felt like a debut novel. I read the author's bio at the back, which described how she had a BA in children's lit, which made perfect sense to me. It felt like the writer had studied good teen books (a la Sarah Dessen, Deb Caletti, Meg Cabot, Ann Brashares, so-called masters of the genre) and identified what made each of them tick, and then applied them to her own book. Here is where I describe what the male lead looks like, lingering on it a bit, to make sure everyone knows to swoon over him. Here is where the protagonist denies that she has any feelings for said male lead, even though she clearly loves him. Here is where she feels angsty about her life. All very paint by numbers, where all the right things are there, but the without the passion or magic that makes a Dessen or Cabot or Caletti book special. 

I also had a little bit of a Romeo and Juliet problem with this book, where the two leads fell for each other in five days. I said in my last review that Anna and the French Kiss had too much build up. Well, the EPIC DETOUR (I don't know why I like to capitalize that, but I do) had too little build up. It's was too quick, too generic, too predictable. It needed to have a spark. 

With all the focus on the negatives, you probably think I hate this book. That's not true. But the parts that I liked are far less interesting than the parts I didn't like. Sorry.