1) The fact that I don't have a job
Most teenagers hold some kind of job. Most of the teenagers I know have jobs. Abercrombie. The ROM. Coaching soccer. Instructing swimming. MacDonald's. Nothing huge, but still. I always feel guilty that I don't hold one. They are good experiences. They look good on college applications and resumes. They prepare you for your future career. They allow to figure what you want that future career to be.
I always justify my unemployment with the fact that I'm in a very aggressive academic program. While that may be true, it doesn't account for the people in my class, who have the exact same workload and exact same amount of stress, who still manage to work. I should work. I don't hate getting money. I should save up for university. Ahahahahaha.
2) My eyebrows
They are my father's eyebrows, and I hate them. They are bushy and weird and make me fear a unibrow. Ack.
3) Well, of course, the rest of my body
I don't wear swim suits. I don't wear shorts. I don't even wear capri pants. I hate my legs. And my arms. And my feet. And everything. I hate summer, because I am expected to show all these things to the world. I try to avoid this if at all possible.
4) My selfishness
I don't do enough to help my parents. I don't do enough to help my friends. I don't do enough to help all the people in world who desperately need help as they experience earthquakes and floods and AIDS and basic poverty. I hate how selfish and self-involved I am. I need to help! Someone! Now!
5) My intelligence
In my program at school, academics are really, really, really important. And the kids in my class are all very, very, very smart. They can write better essays than I can. They can give better presentations than I can. And they can do it with less time and less effort than I do! It's very frustrating. I feel so stupid all the time. And I'm not that stupid. I get good marks. As good as any of the braniacs in my class. But I go a little crazy doubting it all. Any good mark I get is a fluke, an easy assignment, or something that I had to put way more effort into than everyone else. Any bad mark is expected, deserved, and means that I am stupid. It's a harsh way to judge yourself.
6) My friends
I have friends. I have good, good friends. I have okay friends. I have casual friends. But still, I am always doubting myself. Doubting everything I say, to everyone. Doubting if everyone, or anyone likes me. Doubt, doubt, doubt. It eats me alive.
7) My (lack) of a boyfriend
Self explanatory. I would like to be looked at as something other than "the smart girl" (see number 5) or "the nice girl". I love romance in books and tv shows. I am practically obsessed with it. Yet, I've never experienced it myself. 17, almost 18: never had sex, never made out with someone, never been on a date, never even been kissed. PATHETIC!
All the things on this list, all the things that make me feel insecure in life, come about because I don't feel like I fit in. I don't feel normal. I feel insecure about not being normal. Wow. I am the first teenager to feel that. Ever.
Ha. Ha. Ha.