Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I Don't Want to Fall in Love

I have a really, really big fear. And no, it's not spiders or heights or anything like that. It's love. I know, that sounds ridiculous. But please, let me explain.

And no, I am not a commitment-phobe (how could I be? I'm only 16!)

You see, I have grown up reading romance novels and watching romantic comedies and sappy TV shows. These experiences have taught me a few things:

  • If you have a boy as a best friend, he is in love with you. You may have loved him since the beginning of time or you may just realize it when it is too late (or, at least, when it seems too late, but really, you'll rush to find him at the last second at the airport/university/planetarium)

Examples: Post Grad (Ryden & Adam), Clueless (Cher & Josh), Where the Heart Is (Novalee & Forney), When Harry Met Sally (Harry & Sally), Dawson's Creek (Joey & Dawson), Northern Exposure (Maggie & Joel), Bones (Brennan & Booth), Teen Idol (Jenny & Scott), How to Be Popular (Stephanie & Jason), Airhead Series (Em/Nicki & Christopher)

  • When two people break up it is rarely permanent, because they are soulmates
Examples: The Notebook (Allie & Noah), Friends (Ross & Rachel), Dawson's Creek (Joey & Dawson), Gilmore Girls (Lorelai & Luke), Everwood (Ephram & Amy) The Princess Diaries (Michael & Mia), Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (Lena & Kostos)

  • Couples will always reunite in a big climatic scene where they confess their undying love for each other

Examples: All the couples already listed, plus 27 Dresses (Jane & Kevin), While You Were Sleeping (Jack & Lucy), Pants on Fire (Katie & Tommy), Psych Major Syndrome (Leigh & Nathan), and every other couple fictional couple that has ever existed

All these so-called experiences have made me fear love. I mean, how could it possibly live up to my expectations? What if I have a boy who is really just a friend? Or what if "friends with benefits" is not a cover for the fact that he really loves me? And what if, instead of a big climatic break up and reconciliation, we just stay together (or, worse, we just break up)? And what if, worst of all, there are no soulmates, no person we're "supposed to end up with"? I would be so disappointed. My ideas of love come from very unreliable and unrealistic sources and I fear I am bound to be crushed by these big ideas about love.

I'm not scared to love because it might be too much, or too overwhelming. I'm scared it will be too little. I mean, what if all my dreams do come true, but they're just not enough? What do I do then? What do I have to look forward to without love? What is life without love?

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