Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Ignorance is Bliss

Some days, I will admit, being a teenager is kind of cool. I'm trying to think of an example of this, but none come to mind. But they must exist, surely. It isn't all embarrassment and awkwardness (well maybe it is). It certainly was awful today. Yes, that's right, an adult in my life tried to be funny. Yes, I did want to die (and no, to all you adults, I am not exaggerating. This is actually how teenagers feel when adults talk about sex. Especially when that adult happens to be their teacher).

It was this morning, during my school's version of philosophy class, we were talking about sunsets. My teacher was arguing that they were beautiful, but my classmate was arguing that no one cared about sunsets (and no, this argument is not as stupid as it sounds. My classmates are actually smart, I swear. You just catch them during their stupider moments). Well, my teacher rebuts my classmates argument with the following statement: "Watching a sunset is the best thing you can experience...that I can talk about in this room.". Yes, we were all squirming. Bad. Oh god, oh god, oh god.

It made me wish that I could go back to a time when I did not understand statements such as these, when I blissfully ignorant of sexual innuendos. Basically, I wish I could back to a time before I went to school with teenage boys, a time when the phrase "that's what she said" wasn't coming out of people's mouths every five seconds.

For instance, there was a time when this song didn't seem naughty to me at all:

Lines like "You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere" seemed perfectly innocent. After all it was something I did with my barbies all the time. I sang along to line like "Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again" joyfully, with no comprehension of the funny looks adults were giving me. It was a great time, I tell you.

This bliss continued up into my tween years (god, don't you hate that word?). I remember the first time I saw The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movie. Until a friend pointed it out to me, I had no idea that Bridget and Eric had sex on the beach. And I had read the book. (go to this link to see the scene if you want to laugh at my ridiculous naivete).

The worst though, is rewatching old Friends episodes. Everything that used to go right over my head suddenly makes sense. It's so bizzare. There used to be so many lines that I had no idea what they were talking about. Now, thanks to those teenage boys and there oh-so-subtle catchphrase, I understand them all. Very well, and very graphically, I might add.

I really wish I could go back to this blissful ignorance. Well, let's face it: I wish I wasn't a teenager. Being a kid is cool. You have no idea what's going on but you're always having fun. And being an adult seems okay. You have freedom and you don't have to go to school. All good things. But being a teenager is just a series of awkward moments that don't end until the day you turn eighteen (at least, they better end then. I cannot handle a single day more of this). As I said in this post, it would be nice if we were older. We wouldn't have to wait so long to actually have sex and not just make dirty innuendos about it.

(sorry to any grandmothers I just upset with that sentence. I am a little shocked at myself, actually)

I better stop before this get any dirtier. Signing off for now folks.

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